2009 NCAA Tournament: Top 10 Excuses to Miss Work

March 16th, 2009
It is that time of the year again, the first two days of the NCAA Tournament when they inconveniently schedule games during business hours on Thursday and Friday.

For some lucky employees, catching the games is as simple as taking a paid day off or doing what I used to do, schedule an out of town business trip to take care of some "important business" like watching college hoops.

But suppose you work in an office and you can't schedule a day off. What if you work for an organization like the Post Office where you have to be on the job each day? Well that might be a bad example, they are probably goofing off anyway. But I am sure you get the idea..

If you've worked for the same employer for awhile, you have probably used up most of your best excuses. Let's face it, you can only use the dead grand parent excuse four times.

So that is where I come in with my annual top ten excuses to get out of work.

So in the grand tradition of Ferris Bueller here they are.

Top 10 Excuses to Miss Work For the NCAA Tournament

10. The dog ate my keys. We are hitch-hiking to the vet. If we don't get a ride, my dog should poop them out by Saturday.

9. I can't come into work today because I will be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up to work. Okay?

8. I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

7. I have anal glaucoma today.. meaning I can't see my butt coming in today.

6. I contacted mono while kissing the new intern in accounting. I think you should send out a memo warning the other employees not to kiss her.

5. If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in today. The voices told me to clean all my guns today.

4. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb!

3. I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about those Musketeers, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, can I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with T-Mobile, but thanks you for calling.

2. I am helping President Obama spend 2.7 trillion dollars to help stimulate the economy. It might take me awhile, I will call you when I am done.

And the number one excuse for missing work (for the fourth year in a row) is (and will always be) diarrhea. Let's make that "explosive diarrhea!!!" The mere mention of it and your boss will immediately stop asking questions.

So go check those brackets one more time and enjoy the games.