For Immediate Release: CollegeHoops.net's Shawn Siegel to Return to Work Tomorrow..
When the University of Texas sent out a press release on Wednesday noting that Dexter Pittman** was returning to school, I first thought it was an April Fool's joke. When a player that no one expects to go pro, doesn't go pro, is it really news? Of course not. Which is why I present to you tonight's official CollegeHoops.net press release: Shawn Siegel to Return to Work Tomorrow
TEANECK, NJ — CollegeHoops.net combo webmaster/editor Shawn Siegel will return to work tomorrow, Friday, April 3rd, he announced today. One of the most improved webmasters in the NCSWEAT (National College Sports Webmaster & Editor Association Thing), Siegel averaged writing 2.6 articles per day, editing 3.4, while averaging 5.2 lame headlines and 13.6 mostly useless hyperlinks per 24 hours.
A 7-time All-CollegeHoops.net selection, Siegel is the only person to have ever been named to this one-person team. Siegel did his best work in the week leading up to the 2009 NCAA Tournament, when he averaged a whopping 5.7 articles written per day, and posting 11.6, earning him a first (and last place) finish in both categories.
Weighing in at 172 lbs. on a completely mediocre 5-10 frame, Siegel was projected by many to be a First Round pick in the 2009 Hooters Webmasters & Editors League. However, Siegel decided after weighing the pros and cons to return to work tomorrow. "I spoke it over with my family, and they informed me the Hooters W&E League does not, never has, and never will exist, and that I'm delusion and should simply get back to work."
Siegel remains undaunted however, and is certain that he will one day make it big in the Hooters W&E league. "I've been working hard at my game for a few years now, and after talking to myself, realized that I still have a few flaws to work on. For example, I'm wasting valuable time by writing fictional press releases." Siegel also discussed what he plans to do about those flaws. "I spoke it over with my elementary school gym teacher, and she suggested that I work on my juggling skills."
CollegeHoops.net posted a 44-0 record in the college basketball website league. CollegeHoops.net's lone opponent, Shawn'sNephew'sBlog.com was run by an 11 year old and never actually went live.
Siegel Quotes from Press Conference
Opening statement: "I spoke it over with my family, and they informed me the Hooters W&E League does not, never has, and never will exist, and that I'm delusion and should simply get back to work."
On how close he came to entering the Hooters W&E League: "I came thiiis close. Wait, can you not see my fingers? Too bad. They're close."
On what his coach told him about the decision: "I have a coach?"
On what he needs to work on: "I've been working hard at my game for a few years now, and after talking to myself, realized that I still have a few flaws to work on. For example, I'm wasting valuable time by writing fictional press releases."
On if he ever imagined having the chance to enter the W&E League: "Sure, considering I made it up."
On his workout plan for the night before returning to work tomorrow: "A wise man once told me, 'a nap a day keeps the paychecks away', so I'll take a nap. I also spoke it over with my elementary school gym teacher, and she suggested that I work on my juggling skills. I also might do some Wii Bowling"
**This little article does mock Dexter Pittman in a back-handed sort of way, but the reality is he made a good decision and could play himself into serious 2010 First Round consideration if he continues the improvement he showed late in the year.