Duke 89 - UNC 78: Live Gamelog

February 6th, 2008
Alright here we go. Everyone knows how much fun this little shindig is going to be, although judging by the ESPN promos and the idiot announcers from the Syracuse-UConn game, I'm supposed to be more excited about Dickie V than, you know, two of the top three teams in the country playing each other.

Ty Lawson is going to dress but probably won't play apparently. Greg Paulus is only wearing one ankle brace instead of the usual four.

If you want some sort of analysis previewing this game, check out this or this.

1st Half
20:00- Extremely close and disgusting shot of some foreign students saying "rivalry" in different languages to start the game. Unfortunately this game is NOT on ESPN Deportes. By the way, there are some serious flaws with Hi-Definition television... and Mike Patrick's head is one of them.

Dick says he never dreamed he would back in the broadcast booth. Neither did we Dick, neither did we.

Oh, wait we have to talk about the game? Darn, might as well chuck some starting lineups in there, then. I wanted to hear more about the cysts in a 68-year-old man's throat. Can they put some physician photos in the corner?

19:47- Greg "Pimp G" Paulus drains a three right off the bat. I'm telling you, he's the Eli Manning of college hoops.


18:25- 8-5 UNC. Big old giant block by Henderson. Dirtness. But Hansbrough gets a put back. Patrick is going to be using "Psyco T" A LOT tonight folks. He's trying to appeal to the young, hip crowd. Might want to drop the phrase "holy cow" from the vocabulary first there buddy.

14:54- 12-10 UNC at first TV timeout. Really entertaining thus far. Psycho T has looked pretty great... and pretty crazy. Besides the crazy person eyes, he seriously looks like he just has no control of his emotions. Almost like he's terrified of himself. Next to "weaknesses" on his NBA Draft profile, it should say, "undersized for the pros, limited range, afraid of the demons within, foul shooting." But seriously he's showing a face-up game tonight and there's gonna be tons of scouts watching so good for him.

13:17- 16-13 UNC. Some fella named Graves is in for UNC. I mean, is the Lawson injury really that debilitating? Graves?

12:39- 18-13 UNC. Graves!

12:27- 18-13 UNC. Paulus burrows his way to a cheap foul, is assassinated. And then Quentin Thomas pulls a Paulus Circa 2007 (a stupid turnover). Heels fans ready their post-game excuses.

11:33- 18-18. Scheyer, who was monstrous in the Duke-UNC game I gamelogged (or "glogged") last season, drains a three. After that game, I predicted a career plagued by a creative plethora of taunts regarding his sexuality and family members put in erotic positions, but he seems to have gotten off easy. Probably not punchable enough.

Stacey Dales, who just got out of an audition for Melrose Place, shows some "Wanted" poster for Gerald Henderson that those crafty UNC fans made. It says "Wanted" and shows his face. Best and the brightest down there at Chapel Hill.

9:43- 27-20 Duke. Patrick inexplicably brings up Zoubek's injury in regards to the current 15-5 rebounding margin in favor of the Heels. Scheyer saves us all by interrupting him with a three. Then a charge on UNC, then a three by Pimp G. Then a bucket by Thomas. Then ANOTHER three by Singler.

Dickie V: "Gotta love making the threes." Never lost a step Dick.

9:00- 27-20 Duke. Another awful turnover by Q. Might have to suck it up there Ty. Where's Wes Miller when you need him?... Oh, apparently writing books. Hmm.

8:20- 27-22 Duke. Vitale: "So great to be back. I don't wanna get too emotional here." Yes Dick, thanks for keeping your emotions in check. Very professional. Now what were you shouting about dipsy doos and dunkeroos?

6:34- 31-23 Duke. Oh boy. Another really bad turnover by Thomas leads to an easy lay-up. They then show a montage of his mistakes. I always liked Quentin Thomas, but this is brutal.

5:53- 31-24 Duke. Some thrilling discourse on how hard it is to say "rivalry" and "rural." Speaking of slow... UNC looks much more sluggish than Duke right now and Ty Lawson probably wouldn't be helping all that much. Singler burns Hansbrough, who then turns over the inbounds. 35-26 Duke.

4:00- 39-29 Duke. A series of incredibly lame jokes by Vitale, one relating to lasagna, another relating to his poor SAT scores. No comment, just wanted to chronicle the type of shit us viewers have to deal with. Kinda like a time capsule of inanity.

3:40- 42-31 Duke. Heels go zone despite seven threes already by Duke. And what to do the Devils do? Knock down a three, courtesy of Pimp G.

3:00- 42-31 Duke. Dickie V may have just referred to Stacey Dales as "Cindy." Not sure.

2:06- 42-33 Duke. Vitale talking to Hubert Davis: "I wonder who Hubert is rooting for? Is he gonna be objective tonight (baby)?" Pot. Kettle. Black.

1:08- 42-35 Duke. Vitale talks about another charity thing he's doing and I feel like an ass.

Half- 42-39 Duke. HUGE 8-0 run by UNC to cut the lead to three by half on a nice pass from Thomas (thank God) to Hansbrough. Much like the first meeting last year, UNC plays pretty bad and is right in the game. Duke's hit eight threes, the Heels have gotten nothing in transition and have turned it over twice as much as Duke and yet they are down three. The game is as we have expected to a degree: Duke wins by spreading the court and taking advantage of quickness, UNC dominates the glass and Hansbrough is unguardable (18 points; and Thompson has nine too). Duke can't shoot like this the whole game.

As for Vitale, he seems a bit rusty tonight. I mean, not once have I wanted to pour this piping hot queso in my ears. He's probably on orders from either his doctor or Perverted Justice to keep the Diaper Dandy exultations to a minimum, though. I actually think I hate Mike Patrick more at this point. He is just clueless and can't even sniff a relevant point about actual basketball. And I am absolutely positive that he smells weird.

2nd Half
19:00- 42-41 Duke. Dirty cross by Quentin Thomas for a lay-up. Good for him. Not to be outdone, Paulus drains another three, his fourth of the game. Eli. Manning. Of Football. Then a Thompson bucket +1, a Nelson three (Duke has 10) and another filthy crossover by Thomas for a bucket. There's always the And 1 Tour, Q. Great action right now.

17:35- 51-46 Duke. Pimp G drains ANOTHER three. Hide your daughters men of Chapel Hill. He's seeing triple tonight, if you know what I mean.

16:42- 51-49 Duke. First Diaper Dandy reference. Chris Hanson is a few minutes away already.

15:08- 57-51 Duke. Patrick on Roy Williams' vertigo: "It's easy to lose your balance with that."
/stunned silence

13:50- 58-51 Duke. Taylor King comes in, clangs a three, gets it back and airballs a three. A nation rejoices.

12:30- 58-51 Duke. The EXACT same collision in the paint on each end, UNC called for a charge first; Vitale: "I could've made that call with my eyes closed." Duke then called for a charge; Vitale: "That was absolutely not a charge."

9:28- 62-57 Duke. Vitale: "OHH, North Carolina-Duke. CALL YOUR FRIENDS UP, CALL YOUR FRIENDS UP. IT'S SPECIAL BABY." That's what I was waiting for. The thing where he's too old to yell and form complete sentences at the same time.

Me: Hey man.
Friend: Yo what's up?
Me: Uhh... it's special baby.
Friend: I always thought you were gay.

7:08- 68-62 Duke. TV timeout. Honestly, despite all the idiocy from the announcers, this has been an incredible game. Obviously not what it could've been had Lawson played but pretty damn entertaining nonetheless. There have been so many incredible plays of individual talent (did you see that pass by Quentin Thomas and then the block by Lance Thomas?). Gonna take a break from the ripping on Vitale/Patrick (maybe) to enjoy the basketball for a little while.

5:33- 74-65 Duke. Greg Paulus, who shall now forever be known as Pimp G, buries another three. I fully expect him to wear a silk suit and a fedora to the press conference after the game and answer reporters' questions by quoting Public Enemy or something.

1:26- 82-73 Duke. Alright I'm back. You can't really blame him because he's won them a couple games this year, but Wayne Ellington shot the Heels out of this one. Duke CANNOT stop Hansbrough and yet Ellington wasted possessions trying to get his stroke back.

0:54- 83-78 Duke. Wild exchange. Q. Thomas, who is having an outstanding second half that has probably saved his life, finds Hansbrough like a non-idiot, Hansbrough misses. Paulus grabs the loose ball in the corner, throws a pass that hits the net of UNC's basket, Ellington grabs it and kicks it out to Green for a three. Normal shit doesn't happen in this rivalry.

0:23- 88-78 Duke. Heels throw away the inbounds. Ballgame.
89-78 Duke.
Really entertaining game. These teams are about even if UNC has Lawson, with a slight edge to Duke probably. This game basically came down to the Heels not being quick enough to guard Duke's spread, drive and kick offense, Duke hitting an absurd amount of threes and Ellington/Green, who usually combine for 28 per game, only getting 11 total. Keep in mind, these two teams are playing for that East regional No. 1 seed (that Vitale wouldn't shut up about) which never leaves North Carolina before the Final Four. But due to the suckiness of the ACC, it's basically a three-game series (this one, @Duke, ACC final) for that spot. So don't get your panties in a bunch Duke fans.

And as for the extra-curriculars, like I've said before, Duke is not very hateable this year. And while Vitale was annoying, it was mild and it was certainly an added element to have him back. Oh and Mike Patrick is a freaking idiot. But we knew that.