The Top 10 Reasons Indiana Stinks

January 29th, 2009

We all know by now how Indiana was ravaged in the off-season due to NBA departures (Gordon), graduation (White), and the mess left by Captain Crooked (Sampson).  Thus everyone expected Indiana to struggle.. but the Hoosiers might actually be even worse than originally thought. They’re not just bad, they’re on the verge of being all-time, Oregon State, NJIT, Savannah State, Washington Generals, bad..


Here are The Top 10 Signs Indiana Stinks


10. This guy* was their starting point guard for half the season:


*This little munchkin of a feller is Daniel Moore.


9. The administration is considering re-hiring Kelvin Sampson to illegally recruit better kids.


8.  If Sampson can’t be rehired, the AD’s next plan is to lure Aubrey Coleman to IU next year, so he can do some head stomping on opposing Big Ten players.


7.  The Hoosiers best player is white.**


**Tom Pritchard (12.3 ppg, 7.2 rpg)


6. This gal*** dominates the boys in intra-squad scrimmages.


***I don’t know who this is. But she apparently plays varsity basketball. Which is why I don’t watch women’s basketball. (Edit: As discovered in the comments section below, it turns out her name is Jodi Davis.. and she's apparently pretty solid, averaging 11 ppg for the 14-4 Hoosier. And she's just a sophomore.)



5.  The coaching staff is getting its advice from the Dallas Academy girl’s coach.****


****Dallas Academy lost 100-0 last week.


4. Indiana’s hired the Boom Goes the Dynamite guy to give half-time speeches.




3. To help his team get in better shape and lose more weight, Tom Crean has decided that players must practice in Snuggies for the rest of the season.




2. The next time Isiah Thomas OD’s, he vowed to blame it on Tom Crean instead of his daughter.


1. They lost to Northwestern.



- It goes without saying, this is all in good fun. I want Indiana to succeed as much as anybody. College basketball's just not the same when the Hoosiers are struggling. Hopefully they turn it around soon.